Wanderer's Notes
by Celestiella
Summary: Where do we get our ideas from? What do we see in our minds while we write and what writing means to us? How did "The Chronicles of the Wanderer" come to be? This is insight of what's behind the stage, a supplement for my main fics.


**_Disclaimer:_** _Everything recognizable from "Pirates of the Caribbean" movies does not belong to me._

_**Summary:** __Where do we get our ideas from? How do we do it anyway? What do we see in our minds while we write and what writing means to us? How did "The Chronicles of the Wanderer" come to be? This is insight of what's behind the stage. Half-reality, half-fantasy, once again the three friends reunite to create the worlds beyond imagination. This is a supplement for my main "Pirates of the Caribbean" fanfics, a glance behind the curtain for those who are interested. __The second chapter may be placed in the timeline of "Life's a Journey, not a Destination", before Shelby's leaving Tortuga with Norrington and goes to another world again._  


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_****__****__****____**Wanderer's Notes**_

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_****__****__****____**Creator of Worlds**_

* * *

Playing truth and dare with my friends this peaceful Sunday afternoon was really fun… and other word-games that followed. I was walking home, strolling through dark streets, thinking. There was one particular question during our games that got my attention above others.

"_Given opportunity, what would you choose to be – famous singer or famous writer?"_ – Anna asked.

"_Writer,"_ – Mia answered after brief consideration.

She loved fantasy and those things.

"_And you?" _– Anna turned to me.

"_Writer,"_ – I've answered without hesitation.

"_I thought you wanted to be a singer,"_ – she pointed out.

"_Yes," _– I agreed. – _"But I want to be writer more. Not because of fame and glory – I know I do not have that much talent to become world-famous as, for example, sai Stephen King. But still, I choose writer. Because then I'll be able to create new worlds. Not as much for readers, but for myself and for those worlds themselves. I want to make them all real and alive."_

Yeah. Creating new worlds. That is what it's all about.

Creating new worlds, new places, new adventures and new lives, feelings and friendships. Whether it's about fanfiction or making something new, for yourself – writing is a process incomparable to others. When I write, when I'm actually _in _the story I'm making… it's the greatest bliss and pleasure I could ever achieve.

As I pass through shortcuts on my way home, I am, as always, listening to the song of night's wind, and drowning in feeling of freedom. I miss the smell of salt in the air – during most part of the year I am away from the sea, living far inland. But this is not that bad – I have my northern wind singing to me here, and moonlight lighting me the way. I close my eyes and dance, twirling around, and thanking heavens nobody's out to see me at this hour.

I hear a silent laughter around me, and I feel safer than ever, knowing these are my two best friends who read my mind to the point where no words are needed anymore. I look at their faces, reach my hands towards them and ruffle their hair – dark and blond one.

We take each other's hands and walk home, where I turn my laptop on and tap against table thoughtfully. My gaze falls upon my desktop – marvelous picture of azure clear sea with white-sand island further on. The water looks so tempting, so transparent and refreshing, I want to jump into the screen and swim in it, sprinkling it all around.

Jason sits on the table from my right side and smirks to me, guessing my wishes. Eddie kneels on the floor next to me resting his blond head in my lap.

"Lets become pirates this time," – he suggests simply.

I look at him and smile.

"Pirates?"

"Mhm…" – the blond man's gaze is fixed upon my desktop, his eyes reflecting blueness of the sea.

Jason crosses his arms before his chest and looks at us pensively.

"Queenie," – he calls me quietly. – "You know you have the power of wishes come true. I suggest this time we kill two flies with one stroke and create two worlds in one."

I raise my eyebrows.

"How?"

"You know how," – his dark eyes are calm and knowing.

He knows that I know, it's true.

I look upon desktop again, and I know I can do it – I already see it, the black graceful ship sailing away to horizon, and the other one, with turquoise sails, coming to island, where the lonely figure walks around searching horizon with his eyes.

That ship with turquoise sails has no history, name, or crew yet, only shadows of what I imagine them to be. Soon, very soon, they'll all become more than shadows though. The person on the island is half-blank page as well – it's fanfiction, so I can create his background apart from the one in the movie. I can make him be mine on the ways no moviemakers can imagine.

I open empty Word document and glance upon my friends, who are as excited as I am, anticipating the new adventure we'll live through together.

"Lets go!" – Eddie laughs carelessly. – "I want to be as dazzling with beauty and humor as ever, don't forget to make me that way in your descriptions, aye?"

Jason rolls his eyes to that, but I see he's ready to burst in laughter himself.

"No worries, gentlemen," – I put my fingers on keyboard. – "How lucky we are that we all love _'Pirates of the Caribbean'_," – I remark. – "Well then, _Captain _Sparrow… prepare yourself for new adventures non-Hollywood way. You're about to be… created."

* * *

_**What's your deepest heart's desire?**_

* * *

"_What do you want most?"_

Ever since I first heard this question in the movies, it continued echoing through my head almost every day.

"_What do you want most?"_

The truth is… I never knew.

I… I do not know. What do I want? Why do I want it? What is it I'm searching for so desperately? What is it I want to find on pages of the books I swallow by tons every day? What is it I expect to discover in all those usual on the first glance places I'm walking by looking around me every time, my eyes eternally searching, searching, searching…?

"_What do you want most?"_

You've never had such problem, have you, Jack? From the beginning you knew your goals and desires, and you had no doubts. The most important thing – you knew who _you _are.

And I don't.

There were moments I though I knew who I am, but… it's way too uncertain, every time. I lose the path too often to find the right way.

"_What do you want most?"_

I've often been imagining how would it be like, if I got your compass, Jackie. Where would it point? On who? But, you know… I don't want your compass to ever come near me. I'm afraid to see my true desire. Probably because then I'll most likely get it. And there is no more horrible, scary, and at the same time fantastic thing, than to get your heart's desire. Why horrible? Because once you got what you wanted – what then? When the goals are achieved and battles won – where to go? Or, as they say, peaceful life full of happiness is going to start? If that's the case – I have more reasons not to know what I want, because that "life full of happiness and peace" means death for my soul to me, death for my freedom and spirit.

Desires, when fulfilled, have the power to bind you to them. And not only that, but somehow they determine the future course of one's life. You, Jack, have nothing to worry about here – you're ok with your way of life, spending eternity on the sea would suit you, although I bet you'd still get bored at some point.

But me – I can't stay on one place for longer time, nor can I be with somebody all my life tied to that person… I'm a traveler. A wanderer. Eternally searching, eternally going on, eternally cursed and blessed by that way I've chosen.

"_What do you want most?"_

I want to be what I am. And to go on as I'm going on now.

Searching, hoping, believing – despite the fact I know that I'll never find what I seek, because I do not know what I'm searching for.

There is no going to be happy ending to our story, Jack. I won't stay with you and make family and live happily ever after.

Instead, I'll be the one to fly away to continue my journey. My love for you, for our ships and lives together… is a mere shadow compared to my love towards my own personal freedom.

That's why I'm leaving. Yet, as I always accentuate, it's never forbidden to follow me, right? Tell me, Captain Sparrow… what is it _you _want most?


End file.
